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EGG DONATION RECIPIENTS FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
THE "EMOTIONAL" QUESTIONS ENCOUNTERED WITH EGG DONATION
Questions around the emotional issues of egg donation are very often not discussed, but are very much felt by those seeking egg donation. Our view is that these are very real issues and we hope that the information that follows will help you in this decision.
Please also refer to our LINKS page for more information on the global world of egg donation.
How do I come to terms with needing donor eggs in order to conceive?
It is true that you will struggle with this question and its possible see-sawing and very emotional answers many times before and during an egg donation process. There will be times when you will most likely look at the positive, that at least conception and pregnancy is a possibility for you via egg donation. It is not the end of the world. Then there will be times when your heart will ache at the thought of never seeing your DNA created in a child and that you have been robbed of that possibility. In the end only you can find a way to process the loss and to look forward to this possible “second chance” at having a baby. Those egg donor recipients that have had one baby via egg donation and return for a second or third child will tell you of the absolute love, devotion and bond that they have with their child and how much they appreciate motherhood after all the heartache. They will also tell you that they could not love their child more, even if he/she had been conceived of her own egg.
You can also visit our LINKS page or click here to consult a psychologist who is experienced in dealing with infertility and egg donation.
The renewed hope and excitement comes once you decide to move forward and go ahead with creating your family.
Will I love the child as much as if it was conceived with my own egg?
Mothers who have birthed their children following egg donation will tell you how much “where the eggs came from” doesn’t matter once you see your baby’s heart beat, carry him/her for 9 months…and in that moment when you give birth and hold your baby in your arms…the joy is overwhelming and would be no greater where your eggs part of the conception. Unfortunately, you have to go through it to know that fact and understand the hindsight of egg donation and the ambivalence that many mothers of egg donation have once they have conceived.
Will I feel like a “real” mother?
When you are struggling with the concept of egg donation and grieving after your own DNA, it seems that motherhood will never be yours. Hundreds of mothers via egg donation, surrogacy and adoption will however tell you that motherhood is about a love so deep it hurts, a connection comparable to no other… its about protecting your child to the death, about putting yourself nowhere in order to put your child first…its about so much more than an egg which is 100 micrometers, roughly the size of this full-stop.
Am I the biological mom of the child conceived via egg donation?
The pregnant mothers body is responsible for the growth of the fetus. The fetus takes its required fluids and "food" compunds from the mothers blood via teh placenta for the 40 or so weeks of its developmnet. Its is the mothers flesh and blood that results in the baby's flesh and blood. She is the childs biological mothers and the child is her biological son or daughter.
How common are "babies born via egg donation?"
In total, about 100,000 babies conceived with donor eggs have been born in the US since 1984. By 2004, donor eggs were used in 12% of all fertility treatments, and over 8,300 babies were born from donor eggs that year alone. Verified South African statistics are unfortuanetly not available.
Should we tell or not tell about our child’s conception?
For some intended parents the answer to this question is decided long before the egg donation procedure even commences. It is based on a peaceful preference for you and your partner. If you have not decided on whether or not to make your potential child’s conception details public or not, consider this advice from an egg recipient mother. She suggested that before you decide whether or not to make your child’s conception known…give birth to your child and then make a decision. Often once you settle into motherhood, the answer to this question becomes clearer for you.
THE "DONOR CHOICE" QUESTIONS ENCOUNTERED WITH EGG DONATION
Questions around the donor and how to choose a donor are important to review and are amongst the many questions that potential parents have.
How are Gift ov life’s Donors screened and selected?
- Donors are initially pre-screened to ensure they meet the Donor Criteria of our program and the South African law on gamete donation.
- They are then asked to fill out an extensive and detailed Donor Profile, which includes their personal and social history as well as their and their immediate families medical and health history.
- We verify her physical attributes and to get to know her as a person and not just a donor.
- Once a donor is chosen and contracted, the medical clinic proceeds with psychological and medical evaluations and blood tests.
What is the ideal age for egg donation?
There are two broad factors to consider in choosing an egg donor. Firstly the age of the donor will indicate the age of her eggs. Statistically, women in their mid-20s are considered ideal candidates for egg donation. The law in South Africa allows for egg donors between the ages of 18 and 35. Gift ov life accepts donor candidates who are between 21 and 34 years old.
How do I Find a Donor that “matches me?”
The reality is that there is no such thing as a donor that will match you 100% You are you! What you can do is look for ethnic origin, eye colour, hair colour and hair type, height, body type, personality similarities and intelligence similarities.
The reality, as one donor recipient mom said, “I have a girlfriend whose three daughters all have looks and personalities different to each other and none like their biological mother or father! We will get what we are given!”
After all the analysis, go with a donor choice that feels right and peaceful for you.
Please go to our LINKS page for a very helpful site in choosing the eye colour of your donor.
Should I choose a proven donor?
A proven donor means that the donor has either donated before or has been pregnant before. It is therefore possible to say that she is fertile. Remember however that all donors, whether proven or not, undergo medical pelvic and scan procedures to determine the presence of ovaries, eggs and to track how the eggs mature under hormone treatment. Should the donor fail to produce any eggs, Gift ov life will find you another donor of your choice or fully reimburse you the Gift ov life management fee.
How many embryos are considered a good number in a donor egg cycle?
Since most fertility clinics transfer only two embryos or one embryo in an IVF cycle, it is not necessary to have a large number of embryos to achieve a healthy pregnancy. This is particularly true if the egg donor is younger (e.g. under 32) Nevertheless, when there are many embryos from one egg retrieval, the recipient is more likely to have extra embryos to freeze for future use. Having at least 6-8 fertilized eggs is certainly desirable, and frequently there are more than this. The reality…you only need one good egg that fertilises and grows!
Nature versus nurture?
The “genetic or learned” debate is often a question that comes to the fore when potential parents are analysing the egg donation route to conception. The reason it is still a debate after centuries is exactly that…we don’t have an indisputable answer. In terms of factors which are often determined by genetics we provide the detailed Donor profiles in order to try and match some of these traits e.g.: eye colour and height. As regards learned traits…well you will teach you children what you know….how you do it…say it…play it…taste it and everything else little ones learn from their parents!
Can I choose a donor that is not based in the region where I would prefer to have my treatment?
The answer is yes, in most cases. Most donors are prepared to travel. The down side is that you will be liable to pay for donor travel and accommodation costs and the process may take a little longer given logistical co-ordination of the donors treatment.
What are the pregnancy rates expected with donor eggs?
According to Vitalab, a leading Johannesburg based fertility Clinic, the pregnancy rate per embryo transfer is *55%. The cumulative pregnancy rate of patients after 3 cycles of egg donation reaches *92%. The miscarriage rate is *15%. This contrasts with miscarriage rates of more than *50% in women conceiving with their own eggs, older than 42yrs, should they be fortunate enough to do so.
* Pregnancy success rates vary depending on individual circumstances and expected success rates should be discussed with your clinic specialist.
Other documented success rates are as follows: <30yrs (age of donor/ eggs) 50% , 30-35 40%. This is compared to age 37-40 at 33%, and age 40-42 at 20%.
What does the filed of "Epigenetics" have to say about the child conceived via egg donation?
Genes are expressed within a given child depending on the environment and its effects. The environment is the pregnany woman's womb and its is her genes, and not the egg donor's, that will determine how the genes received from the egg donor, are expressed. The child born would have been emotionally and physically different had the child been carried to term by the egg donor.
Babies via egg donation & the importance of the birth mother
Epigenetics is a new (well to some of us!) buzzword in the field of egg donation for conception. Essentially Epigenetics refers to factors outside the gene, such as a cell's exposure to hormones or genetic variations that can modify a gene. Such factors can change what is ultimately expressed; they can change a phenotype i.e.: they can alter what an organism looks like as a consequence of the interaction of its gene AND the environment. In terms of conception via egg donation that environment begins with the womb of the birth mother. Some examples include hormone and reproductive factors in a woman that may influence the chances of breast and ovarian cancer. These factors are believed to be linked to a woman's exposure to estrogen and progesterone and their effects on cell differentiation in the breast that occur during pregnancy.
Conventional science has historically linked cell behaviour to the genes present. Latest research suggests however that cells send out signals unique to an individual that I turn receives signals from the outside. This is specifically interesting for birth mothers where it appears our identities may be formed in the womb, linked to an exterior field of energy.
World Epigenetics studies are now focusing on how donor conceived babies DNA may actually be expressed based on the woman who carries that baby. The study of Epigenetics reveals that our lives are more than the sum of our inherited genes. During growth in the womb and after birth
differences begin to reveal themselves due to specific genes being active in some people and non-active I others. There are a number of reasons for certain genes to be active and others not including the way the hosts body functions, lifestyle and how we think and feel – our emotions and reactions. The world of babies conceived via egg donation it’s the woman carrying the baby at the conception of life that starts the process of which genes are active and non-active. The birth mother helps shape the baby she carries from the moment that embryo is implanted in her uterus.
What is important when choosing which egg donor agency to work with?
How should one measure the success of an egg donor agency? On the face of it one might say, “Well, it must be the number of pregnancies achieved!” “Is it?” Is the number of pregnancies achieved not the result of more factors than an egg donor agency can take credit for? After all, the fertility clinic and doctors and their treatment prescribed, the age of the donor and her fertility screening, the quality and quantity of the sperm used to fertilise, the ability of the uterus to facilitate the growth of the embryo. These are all factors that must be optimal in order to achieve pregnancy.
The fact is that all egg donor agencies are governed by certain criteria that ensure donors are viable as fertile egg donors. These factors include egg donors being between the ages of 18 and 35, having a certain and optimal BMI and being screened before an egg donation cycle is undertaken. These factors result in all agencies being created equal as regards the actual donor. Or does it? How does one rate an agency? What after all is the role of the egg donor agency?
We conclude that the role of the agency includes both “passport” factors and “differentiating factors.” Passport factors are standard practices that allow an egg donor agency to remain viable and attractive to recipient parents. They include, promptness in dealing with enquiries, a professional and understanding approach and first hand knowledge and experience of the IVF process. What then differentiates one agency from the rest, if it is not the number of pregnancies achieved, the level of professionalism and first hand experience?
Well, as recipient parents… what would be most important to you...what would be the differentiating factors for you?
Would you not want to know about the donors, whose genes you choosing, inside and out? Surely her grades at school, her tertiary education, her sexual orientation, how her grandparents may have died, whether she or anyone in her family suffers from one of 90 different conditions that can be passed on genetically, her parents hair and eye colour, their height and body frame…the list goes on and on. The fact is that not all egg donor agencies take the interest, time or effort to make as much information available as possible to prospective parents means that all egg donor agencies are not, in fact, created equal. At the end of the day, when that little miracle is born, don’t you agree it’s worth having made an informed decision? After all, as potential egg donor recipient parents, isn’t it worth it for you to take care in choosing an agency that gives you all the information? Gift ov life provides a 15 page detailed profile on each of its donors in line with international and local best practice. If you are not being provided with detailed information on a donor, ask yourself why. View our donors online and request a detailed profile - see the Gift ov life difference. And above this, we nurture our recipients...visit our Testimonials page to hear from other Recipinet Parents.
We wish you all the best and are here to support you and answer any additional questions which you may have as regards becoming a parent via egg donation
I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - Author Unknown
There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought,
without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
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